Its about making memories worth repressing
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
