some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
