I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
