my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
