Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
