we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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