im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it because I queefed?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
