You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nutella sex= disaster
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Everclear isn't food dammit
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
