His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
