i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize