The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
