Im at strip club and am horny
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
