Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
