a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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