Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am naked and annoyed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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