So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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