you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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