I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
