ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
