We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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