I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
