new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize