I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
