We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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