i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He did a backflip because drugs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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