I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
