The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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