If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
