yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
