The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
