mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
