FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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