i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
