Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize