I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
