That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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