Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
