How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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