I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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