Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
