We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
