the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
