I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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