yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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