conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
