My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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