Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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