Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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