i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
