pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
