New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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