what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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