I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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