He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
