You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
