Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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