Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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