Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
