i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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