She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
