True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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