Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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