i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize