I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
