But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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