I need help removing her.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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