All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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