One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
