Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize