I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
