The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
