never play flip cup with pint glasses
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
