The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
