i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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