we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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