Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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