It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
