And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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