Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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