went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
