I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
