see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize