I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
