Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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