Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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